Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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