i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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