i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
