I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
