Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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