and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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