Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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