yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
