As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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