After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
