the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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