theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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