He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
