I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how drunk are you?
Several
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
