just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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