There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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