16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
