is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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