dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
