she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
