His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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