Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
