He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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