Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
