apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
