Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
