i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
