so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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