I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And then he peed in my hair
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
