No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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