My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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