mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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