with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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