just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
