The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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