Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
