ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
