this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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