apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
