i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
