So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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