Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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