I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
