she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
