Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
