His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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