trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I did not marry a roomba.
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