oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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