guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
