I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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