I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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