6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
