i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
