I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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