I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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