: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
