Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
