I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
