Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
