felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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