Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
