i don't like sucking hair
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
