I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
