He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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