He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I supernannyed him into submission
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
