mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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