I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
