I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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