im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
